MIRROR MIRROR: HOW AFRICAN AM I REALLY?

When I think of the scary second of losing my African identity....

I’m troubled to understand the cosmology of my ancestors, God and His son Jesus. I am the great grandson of white men who ploughed grain form the soil of Botswana. I am told that my parental Grandad is owambu whilst my daddy takes great pride in living like a Damara. My grandma had blue eyes and was white as the grand old white lady from the pharmacy. My mommy had immense love for God and yet was the queen in the Omaheke Region as she coached many young ones in the traditions of Setswana. I was called Morwa (Bushmen) by my late aunty. I Was fostered by a great family who had their foot in all languages (IsiXhosa,Setswana,Sesotho,and Sepedi. Mhepho was burnt and I loved the smell of it not understanding its significance. My names are doing justice to ‘KE MORORLONG”(A CLAN IN SETWANA) (PHETOGO{change} KGAKGAMATSO{miracle}[my other names] ).

One would think, damn I am an African! But how confused am I really? I have been so diluted but society and the western like many? I sub the song Stimela with Love on top by Beyoncé? I refer to umqomboti as African yogurt as I love the taste for it and not the significance or the honor behind it. How African am I really? My sexuality is what I exercise fully regardless of the contradict highlighted by my ancestors. My mind has made me justify so much of my being not realizing that I am the victim of still being slaves. My mind is owned by the books and mold by the knowledge of the western. When last have I asked why to an elder to understand more about my root? I Google most of the time.

We are celebrating heritage month and what really am I celebrating because I have been so moved by that of the western. What is my heritage? I think it’s me. Gift and what I stand for and what the previous generation imposed upon me,But who am I? What constitutes my knowledge? What s the core of my soul and where am I from? Where is the blood flowing in my veins from?

It’s sad to think of the possibility that everything we do today (mcimbi’s, weddings, initiation) is moving away from how it used to be done. Most practices have become an article or discipline of trade compared to what it used to be. We are so coned with cream of the western and it is rare to still see the authenticity in thee claiming to be African if abortion is in order of all day, well I’m gay (who am I to say that?)

We should claim back our identity as beings, we should embrace the honor of first knowledge in mankind. its not a curse to be an African but a blessing. it starts with loving everyone because Africans live in unity. we need to kill the term Xenophobia. Lets love our fellow African brothers and sisters. Lets stop destroying our future will killing our younger brothers with a Western acid! Drugs. Lets move away from conning ourselves with a coat that's not ours!!! I am African, and I want to go back.

Catch me on Radio Riverside 98.2 fm or stream live on www.radioriverside.co.za from 15:00-16:00 CAT.

 

 

MIRROR MIRROR: I SEE ME IN HIM

LOVE IS TRUE

I wasn't always a spiced up in the game of dating, never ever have I thought that I had an equal. I started climbing the wall of love with one guy, he wasn't gay, nor Bi but straight...yes, I loved him, I cried when he stung me like a bee. He broke my heart. I couldn't give up on love, cause I dint believe what I had with him was love. I still played the game of love, still looking out for Mr. Right? I remember all my friends never thinking im ever going to find that cause am to in love with myself or my or my career.  well they were wrong, I met another Mr. now he was candy!! He was smart, cute and a huge dreamer, I realized that he loves me for what he believes we can be... the error in that was him not accepting that because im human I too get jealous, I too express my love fully ect. I learned the notion not to show someone when I love them because they might just get repulsed, gullible me employed the notion. it worked and I had him wrapped around my finger. you see, nothing wrong about playing by the books but remember all chapters comes to an end and eventually it was only me, him and my poor heart, well tables turned and we grew apart. still did I not give up. I dated the cyber ones, felt in love and obviously nothing came of it.

I really took all my life and my time to mold who I am. I am all because of who I always believed I was. I learned that no one will change for me but him or herself. I learned that I cannot expect completion when love brings me together with another soul because just can make me loose myself. I have learned to accept myself and know that others can contribute to my growth but not to my statue. I make ME.(obviously with God being my architect).

in my absence of posting I was in love, I met a guy Gregory De Vries! an amazing soul(all my exes were amazing that's why I dated them) well with Greg its different, he reminds me of myself and im at peace with me, and that just means that he mirrors so much of myself. He is kindhearted, he treats people with so much respect and he is embraced for him just being himself!! I love him most because I have learned that im perfect(with all my imperfections) I love him more cause I trust him and he trusts me,

There aint ideal love but that of God, but He has blessed us to love each other with all ounce in us, and when doing so we enable so much harmony and exudes so much light that the world needs. There aint no ideal love ,but that of God, but He has blessed us to love each other effortlessly. I am blessed with the Gift to love and to be loved, my partner exercises this so perfectly as he loves me with all in him.

I have learned that loves is true when it requires no effort but desire to make it work and just by doing so every step is a pleasure.

let us love in all adversity and give a hug instead of a spank, lets give a compliment instead of an insult. lets give a smile instead of a middle finger. Love is true and because of that, we are all to be loved.

LIFE AINT OVER TILL YOU DONT SEE THAT BEUATIFUL SMILE OF YOURS

Mirror Mirror: I see change

Mentor Katlego Thiskare and junior Dreamers. 

And  will do it with all in me…..

 Now that I’m going to do the recruitment of 12 learners from schools that will for part of my new youth development project Dreamers.kom, it’s not just a nerve wrecking thought but also a moving one for me. I am left with one question, who is privileged or underprivileged enough to be part of this? The simple answer…all is? The sad reality is that can’t help the whole soccer team but I have realised that I am taking my time, talent and passion solely to detox our depressed and socially challenged youth. I realised that all my efforts are priceless and it grants immense gratitude.

It’s a pity that we live in a society where nothing is for free. People today do any for appraisal, a big pay check or reaping the ripple effect of benefiting in the future. How can we as a country still want to see change f all we have to do for change requires an injection in our pockets? So many gifted people are strangers to using what they can to help and cultivate. How many people have had the most inspiring conversation with someone at a club 5 seconds away from round 6? How many regard someone as a role model and the harmonious moment of meeting the person s so awkward and sour thanks to their arrogance and conceit? Most people where I am from still regard the ownership of a car and jiggling the decedent drink  as successful, that I don’t dispute(seeing that freedom of speech has no door) but if that the case why can’t these men then take their time and guide our young lions? What would the future of Upington look like if all we have is the latest relevant sounding Facebook status, the coolest Instagram pic or the hippest Keek Video update?

Privileged to say, I have got what to takes: and all that is time, that of mine. And I therefor decided to start this baby I call Dreamers.kom. This is a group consisting great 11 pupils that are mentored and assisted in their academics. We as the mentors serve as vehicles of information, guide them in the buzzed social life of Upington, groom them and find ways to assist them in the development of their talents still ensuring that academics are priority and hopes also instilled!! I thanked King Jesus to back me up in this. I will be using my beautiful mini palace as I’m turning it into a haven for these dreamers.

An award I don’t need! Recognition I don’t pray for, my prayer s: Father let all be paid forward and capacitate us to groom great leaders and healthy mothers.

Never forget that life is only over when you don’t see this beautiful smile of yours!!!

Never never never give up!!!

Mirror mirror on the wall: Am i still me without any?

Reflecting, Embracing and Living.

Just last night I had updated my status that I plead friends not to visit me until after a week. The world is so full of everything. its full of cars, energy and activity. Company is full of energy, be it negative or positive. work is full of laughter, envy and judgement. weekends full of fake hugs, compliments and dancing. The weekly routine seems monotonous.

just this  morning I get a call from one of my best friends. you see now he has achieved lots. from being a pioneer, a teacher, a youth developer and an inspiration. I at times think his purpose is to dream. He told me that he cries at night when he tucks in. I got worried. he is such a great soul to end a day like that. all I could tell him is to pray. I spoke about the power of prayer before and I can yet again with all confidence say that it works and changes things. it is very important for one to spend time with yourself and enjoy your own company not thinking or wishing but embracing and appreciating. I have prayers every Tuesday, my mini appointment with King Jesus. and those are just gratitude prayers. prayers where I thank Him for all. all the little things I have become oblivious too because I am at times to consumed with dreaming and running after my dreams forgetting to note what He had given me. Inner happiness..
one should learn that in this very very active life, influences are random. And one can get so toxic from it and it bloats one soul. one ends up saying: I just want to be alone...one doesn't end up alone..one ends up with Facebook on ya pillow or a bottle of wine. What is so unwinding in that. don't get me wrong I don't dispute that. its just when last did you look at that vase you bought and thought, wow this is cute? when last have you looked at those pictures in that frame and thought: wow, I was so young here? See, we don't see and embrace the lil things that once made us so happy
it is time to find oneself and really focus on embracing the finer things in life. Say hi, how are you? with a smile that is meant. be conscious about your existence and make sure that yes you move a soul and bring happiness(that makes one feel amazing) try doing things for people with no recognition on magazine front pages.
let us live, stay calm and move on.
Life is only over when you cant see that beautiful smile of yours no more.
[currently reading: LIVING MORE LIFE BY: DON MORTIMER)

MIRROR MIRROR: I CAN SEE CLEARER NOW.

AND SO I HAVE DISCOVERD!

I remember just last year when all my visits to my friends was talking about a change in my circumstances that I was  praying for. I would complain about how bad it is and that I really just wish to do something with my time because I am hate being unoccupied. I was in a place where I use to say: if only I could get a job, if only I could get this( I could go on and on) I also remember how I use to pour my heart out to many and that becoming an opportunity for some to gossip about the rage I was in. I remember a time when great friends became somehow people I could not trust. I learned that in that period of me miserable, many enjoyed seeing me that weak. I thank God that I am one person that is a fairly happy being and because of that I still remained positive and that had enabled me to just keep on believing. there were days when I really tough. I had prayed for better days. Friends came and they went. I had prayed for a job and happiness that comes with that. I remember that even though it was hard, I still managed to be so grateful. The world thought it was over but deep within I just knew it wasn't.


I got a job at the radio station and  I was happy, still am happy. I had realized that I always had to pay attention to what I pray for. we sometimes forget what we ask God to give us, because when we do get it we are still so blinded about what more we want. I have realized that all my friends that are not mine no more is out of my life because there was no more space for them. I have realized all those that still are part of my path is deserving of that position. I have realized that every single being who says Good morning to me acknowledges my presence and who ever wishes me good luck, I choose to believe that its meant with a good heart. I have made a choice to not believe in people telling me that I cant. Weird I have been told that so many times, yet Givado just never stopped being..
I had discovered that God seriously paid attention to what I needed.. I had it all, I wasn't ever hungry! I was free from depression and even though people spoke about me! I was happy!! I was with happy ladies all the time! I was filled! he groomed me!  and I am a hell of a happy faggot, who appreciates all!! I love King Jesus!

NEVER FORGET THAT LIFE AINT OVER UNTIL YOU DONT SEE THAT CUTE SMILE OF YOURS!!!

Mirror mirror on the wall: My smile is fading away...

FORGIVE YOURSELF!

I have been fairly quite this week. I wasn't in good space. I had not only disappointed a great friend( my spiritual bestie)  but also took myself back to the day my late Mamma uttered: YOU HAD DISSAPOINTED ME REAL BAD. that was like a knife through my heart, I didn't bleed but it hurt so bad moments with my great friends I didn't enjoy, jokes wasn't funny. I remember hating myself and I was disgusted at my being.

well the passed week wasn't different at all. I know I am a forgiving person. I had disappointed an undeserving soul so bad(doubt anybody deserves to be disappointed). I was selfish and impulsive. I had good intentions only: intentions to help! the mistake was, doing that at the expense of someone else. I remember deciding not to go out or even answer my phone, I remember being so hard on myself and not forgiving myself. I remember thinking God is looking at me and thinks: "Gift, you know the truth, don't tell me you expect forgiveness from me." Well I said down on my knees and cried, I prayed for forgiveness. I still didn't believe that God would forgive me. I remember my friend saying: "I don't want to have a thing to do with you! you better sort this out for your own sake". those words were profound. I had asked God: " Father, who has the authority to make my lil room turn into a cubicle for me? God never replied....

I obviously suffer the consequences and express  great remorse. I realized some people we disappoint, and we all make stupid big mistakes and I cant forgive myself for what I have done. I had realized that the secret wasn't forgiveness from any to make me smile, but from that of myself. Gift had to forgive himself. I did and I am better.

I passed the cemetery this morning: I saw graves only. no eagles or trees. Just homes to the dead. I realized, Gift the worst thing that could possibly happen to any person was death. I only than realized that my time to die is unknown and because of that I will continue learning, embracing and loving my fellow. I have disappointed. I am sorry. but yes, I will live and still see that smile of mine

I do still write: life is only over till you don't see that beautiful smile of yours:-)
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER: @TheGivado

mirror mirror on the wall: how do i start all over?

I remember all the oppportunities i had siezed all my life! the liberty of chosing which vasity to apply to next year! the options to who I hang out with tonight on my conditions. the boyfriend that i like for the silliest reasons! all these options i had.

 i also remember being left broken hearted and believing that i will never be able to love anyone with such magnitude. I remember making great mistakes and always asking>' WHAT COULD'VE BEEN IF I HAD NOT...." WHERE WAS I GONNA BE TODAY IF I HAD NOT?...

I  had learnt that we all have these moments in our life that we just cant seem to erase. We do feel that if we had not commit that spesific blunder all was gonna be well. If we hadn't commited to this spesific person all was gonna be diffrent, weird how we believe in the power of ones past so much! and forget that we are acually breathing and we still have an oppurtunity to change our options,choices and what we do for the better. Life is a box full of suprises, i would believe it consist of 90% of greatness and 10% is a box filled with room to : make choice,choose correct and BE  ETERMINED. so its in the art of yourself to allign all you do with being conscious about that for your future. every second,minute, hour and day is a new beggining.

we tend to forget the power of co-exsistance! we have friends at the office to teach us, parents at home to guide us,people in the street to help us understand diffrences. Tv to make us tolerant to many! And God or the "higher''( as some would say) as a foundation to enable us to achieve what we all are meant to! we pray for change, a beteer car,job,carreer.. a salary increasement, never do we realise that we are still living and we can still see the beautifull sunlight: this alone tells us that life aint over! God has given you all you needed and not all you wanted, at times you need to pay attention to the things you do have that God has actually given you: friends to be healthy, brother to have a safe trip,comletion of a degree ect. We are so troubled with what we want and forget to pay attention to what we gotta thank God for giving us! Our Needs!

so in bottom, it aint about starting over..its about doing whats right! set the vision you see for your future and start building those puzzels everyday to avhieve that! Give yaself recognition now and again and watch a Soap Opera... believe me: You are gonna realise your life and that bad at all!!!

Now have yourself a beautiful day and make sure you do not forget that life aint over, until you dont see that beautiful smile of yours.